Fangs for Nothing (Vampire Hunting and Other Foolish Endeavors) Page 11

  The commotion at the other end of the room turned out to be just some girl passing out. Normally, that would have been of some concern for me too, but I had bigger evils barreling down. I started scanning the room, trying to figure out if there were any other exits. All the doors and windows were boarded up. I could see a couple of doors at the far end of the room, but they didn’t look like exits. That’s when I felt all tingly again and noticed the beautiful ebony woman was focusing her eyes on me. And her eyes did not look pleased. She obviously was beginning to suspect that I hadn’t drunk the Kool-Aid, metaphorically speaking. I quickly made the a-fly-has-just-landed-on-my-nose face and then sneezed three times. Then pinching the bridge of my nose and scrunching my face around my fingers, I let my body sway slightly. I must have been convincing because Lana clumsily bumped into me and asked, “Are you all right?”

  “Sure.” I squeezed her hand, doing my best to look bleary. “Fine.” I waited as long as I possibly could before glancing back in the ebony woman’s direction. I guess she was satisfied with my lack of sobriety because she was inspecting another portion of the crowd. “Lana,” I said, still holding onto her hand. “We need to get out of here.”

  “Who was that girl you were kissing?” she demanded as if she hadn’t heard me at all. “I thought I was your date.” She seemed a little put out about it, and I wondered if she was the kind of girl who got miffed if absolutely all the guys in the room weren’t in love with her.

  “You are my date,” I assured her, giving her hand a bit of extra pressure. “Now let’s get out of here. We could maybe get a pizza or something.”

  “No.” She leaned toward me, a bit of pout on her lips. Then she gave me a dreamy smile. “I want to see the vampire.”

  There was a rumble from the crowd as the beautiful woman raised her arms in the air again. She was standing on a platform or a table or something because I could see her quite clearly down to mid thigh. The crowd fell silent, and she said in her throaty voice, “Let the choosing begin!”

  The crowd began to drift. Or at least, part of the crowd began to drift. The beautiful people started gliding over to stand behind the woman in the shimmering fish scales. Xander, Rini, Lana, and I all just stood there along with the rest of the crowd who weren’t cool enough to have purchased a bat pendant.

  A handsome guy, probably in his early twenties, with collar-length brown hair and wearing a deep purple velvet jacket bumped into Xander. “Oh, sorry,” he murmured. Then he gave Xander a double take. “Hey, man. You’re supposed to stand over there with us.” He gestured toward where the pretty people were ambling.

  “Huh?” Xander looked up, half dazed.

  The guy laughed. “Is this your first time back here since you signed your blood contract?” Xander gave him a blank stare that he must have interpreted as a yes. “Rookie mistake number one.” He firmly removed the empty coupe glass from Xander’s hand. “Bubbly takes the edge off, but from here on out, only one glass.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know,” Xander slurred.

  “Who’s your sponsor, anyway?”

  “Um…” Xander turned his glassy eyes toward the crowd of pretty people.

  “Don’t stress about it. I got your back,” the guy assured him. “Come over and stand with me.” He got a grip under Xander’s left arm.

  “But…” Xander twisted to look back at us as his new buddy frog-marched him across the room.

  “Don’t worry about them,” I heard Mr. Handsome Velvet Jacket tell him. “Aerony is about to do her thing.”

  “Great,” I grumbled to myself. Now what was I supposed to do? I had to juggle two vampire-crushing drunk girls plus get Xander back and get us all the hell out of there. It figures he’d be herded off with the hot people, even if he didn’t mean to go.

  Some beefy boys who were shirtless and wore their pendants dangling off leather dog collars helped the beautiful woman, whose name I had to assume was Aerony, off her pedestal. There were several of these beefy boys, and they stayed close to her, so I assumed they were acting as security. All the super hot people faded back, and that just left us regular people standing in the center of the room. Of the two hundred and fifty people I’d estimated were at the vampire ball, I’d say there were a hundred and fifty of us left on display like lobsters in a tank at a seafood restaurant.

  The hot people seemed to be a variety of ages. At least a variety until about thirty. But us not-hotters were all teenagers. I found that pretty strange and definitely disturbing. Aerony began making her way through the crowd, carefully inspecting each underage party guest. First, she stopped in front of a mid-sized girl with frizzy blonde hair. Aerony scrutinized her slowly and then touched her on the arm. “You are chosen,” she said in her warm, treacly voice.

  The girl shivered and then beamed, her face going a bright crimson. “Thank you,” she said in a loud fragmented whisper as if she was holding back a wave of emotion. One of the beefy boys guided the frizzy blonde toward the flock of beautiful people. They welcomed her, smiling and squeezing her on the shoulder.

  “What’s going on?” I tried to whisper to a redheaded girl who was listing slightly in my direction. She ignored me, too enraptured in watching “the choosing” apparently.

  Next, Aerony inspected an average-looking guy. He was in a black suit jacket with a vivid blue shirt underneath. I had seen him earlier, and I knew that, unfortunately, on his bottom half, he wore faded jeans and beat up sneakers. It was as incongruous as when P.T. Barnum sewed a monkey to a fish. You can squint at it all you like, but it still doesn’t make it a mermaid. The beautiful woman ran her hands over the guy’s shoulders and down his arms. You could see him visibly tremble at her touch. She gazed deep into his eyes for several seconds before saying, “Yes, you are chosen.” She removed her hands, and blazer-jeans visibly wilted. The beefy boys helped him to the waiting pretties.

  Some kids didn’t make the cut for whatever reason it was that Aerony was sorting and separating us. Cargo shorts was the first to go. She barely gave him a glance before turning her face from him and saying, “I’m sorry, but you must leave.”

  Cargo shorts was so wasted on the doctored champagne that I’m not sure the kid even heard her. He just stood there, goggling at her beauty. Two of the beefy boys grabbed him by an arm and ushered him toward the exit. I don’t know what happened to him after they headed for the stairs. I’d like to think they just released him into the wild to go back to his cargo shorts–wearing life, but the beefy boys wore some grim and determined expressions on their faces, so I wasn’t exactly sure.

  I figured Xander was reasonably safe with the beautiful people. They obviously accepted him as one of their own. I decided it would be smartest just to guide the girls out of there and count on Xander to sober up and make his exit. “Lana, Rini,” I said in a voice that was just above a whisper. I didn’t want to risk drawing any attention to us if I could avoid it. Neither girl appeared to have heard me, so I grabbed them both by the arm. “Come on,” I said. “We’re getting out of here.”

  “No, we’re not.” Rini gave me a cranky, blurry look. “We’re part of the choosing.”

  “You don’t even know what that means,” I growled at her.

  “It means you get to be beautiful,” Lana slurred. “That’s what I think it means.”

  “And you get jewelry.” Rini giggled. “Did you notice?” She cocked an eye at Lana.

  “I know. I love them. I want one so bad.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Listen,” I said to both of them, getting a tighter grip on their arms. “I will buy you both a bat pendent once we get out of here. I promise. But right now we’re leaving.”

  “I don’t want to go.” Lana started to whine.

  “What about Xander?” Rini was also ready to launch into drunk girl whine mode.

  “Xander left,” I improvised, figuring he was the carrot I could dangle at the end of a stick to get them out of there. “He’s meeting us at the car. He’s probably
there right now. Let’s go find out.”

  “He’s not there.” Rini lurched to one side, trying to free herself from my grasp. “He’s with the beautiful people.”

  “I want to be with the beautiful people.” Lana also tried to pull away from me. “I want to be beautiful.”

  “You are beautiful,” I insisted. “Both of you. Very beautiful. Now be quiet, and let’s go.” The girls were starting to cause a commotion, and the zombified crowd around us was becoming aware of a problem.

  Two seconds later, the beefy boys were surrounding us like a wall of muscle. Aerony appeared in front of me, and I realized she smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. It was weirdly comforting. “Is there a problem?” she said with a Catwoman-like purr.

  “No.” I shook my head, doing my best to appear wasted. One of the beefy boys gave me a bit of a sharp nudge, so I added. “Air.” I pawed at my face and acted like there was cotton stuck to my tongue. “I’m sorry if I interrupted you, but I’m thirsty, and I want some air.”

  “This poor boy is thirsty.” Aerony clapped her hands together, and a waiter came hurtling through the crowd with a tray full of champagne-filled glasses. She picked one up and extended it toward me. “Drink.”

  “Uh… no thanks.” I would have taken a step backwards but there was a beefy boy behind me. “I had like four earlier, and I’m not much of a drinker. Really, I just want some water and a little air.”

  Aerony smiled a very beautiful smile, which didn’t add anything to my comfort level. Beautiful women do not smile at me unless they want something. She reached out to caress my cheek with the back of her left hand, her right hand still clutching the glass. “It’s so nice to see a young man with the character to resist these days. It reminds me of when I was young and people still had willpower.” The touch of her flesh against mine sent a throb of exquisite electricity through my entire body. I felt glued to the ground and powerless to mount another protest. “Drink,” she said again in a quiet, intimate voice and then lifted the coupe glass to my lips.

  Chapter 16

  Under the bridge was beautiful! The people were beautiful; the lights were beautiful; the decorations were beautiful. And everyone was so nice. It was all so beautiful. Like being a really famous celebrity with tons of money, where everyone is nice to you and no one is trying to get anything out of you. I felt great.

  Subdued by the electric hands of Aerony, I gulped down the first glass of champagne. I tried to burble that I’d already had at least four and I couldn’t possibly drink any more, but she pressed another to my lips. By the time the whole glass had passed down my throat, I was beginning to feel a lot more relaxed. I didn’t know why I’d been so stressed about leaving when actually everyone was acting really nice. After handing the second empty glass to a waiter, Aerony leaned in and whispered to me, “Yes, you are definitely chosen.” Then she nodded to one of the beefy boys, and he grabbed me by the arm to lead me to stand with the beautiful people. I was thrilled.

  “But wait,” I blurted, realizing I was leaving Lana and Rini behind. “My friends.” I turned pleading eyes on the beefy boy. “I’ll go, but let me see what happens to my friends.” I guess Aerony having given me the thumbs up carried some weight because he paused there, still firmly gripping my arm.

  Rini was the next to fall under Aerony’s gaze. She only took a moment before saying yes. Rini had been clutching Lana’s hand. She was ecstatic, but also reluctant to let go of her friend. “Please,” she said, in a small voice that was almost a whimper, “can my friend come, too?”

  Aerony loomed over Lana, looking her up and down. “I don’t know,” she said, touching Lana’s golden hair. “She’s very pretty. I almost would have taken her for one of us.”

  “No.” Lana blushed, turning her face away. “I’m not pretty. At least no one in my high school thinks so. I’ve never even been out on a real date. Well,” she went on, “not until today. And you already took him over there.” She gestured with a wobbly hand in my direction.

  I gaped back at her. How could someone so fabulous and pretty as Lana not consider herself beautiful? It was ridiculous. And I was her first real date? That was pretty mind blowing. If I was in Lana’s high school, I’d probably be following her around like a puppy. All I could figure was the guys in her school must really be idiots.

  Meanwhile, the beautiful Aerony was cupping Lana’s face in her hands. “Aah, now I see,” she said in a low voice. “Boys can be so foolish. You are a beautiful girl. And brave. I see much potential in you.” Then she lowered her voice to a whisper. I wasn’t exactly sure what she said, but it sounded something like, “Come and join us. If you are strong enough, I can make you a queen.”

  Aerony lifted her head and announced to the throng that was waiting with bated breath, “I say yes. She has been chosen.” A ripple of approval spread over the crowd. Rini, Lana, and I were all escorted to stand with the beautiful people. Rini was beaming; Lana’s face was flushed with pleasure. My jaw started to ache, and I realized that I had been grinning from ear to ear without even knowing it.

  By the time Aerony had sorted the Chosen from the dross, there were about seventy of us that had made it through. Made it through to what? I began to wonder. I wouldn’t say the question was bearing down on me, but it was starting to nag the far back corner of my brain. I knew I had wanted to leave about an hour ago. But wasn’t that just like a party? When you first get there, you’re kind of having a lousy time and you figure you might as well take off. Then you give it another thirty minutes and magically you’re having a ton of fun, and you can’t even remember why you wanted to leave.

  After Aerony had rejected two final girls, who were pretty darn cute and who actually broke down in tears as they were shown the exit, she turned her large, penetrating eyes on us newbies. “Congratulations. I have high hopes for many of you.” As she said the words, I felt my stomach quiver with the desire that I would be one of the people to which she was referring. She went on, “Now I’d like to introduce you to someone very special, who also happens to be your host this evening.”

  A muffled alarm bell went off in my head. For some reason, I knew I didn’t like the host. Or at least, shouldn’t like the host. He was a vampire; I remembered that. But he also managed to throw one hell of a party. And maybe I shouldn’t hold being a member of the undead against him. I mean, it probably wasn’t even his fault he was a vampire. But then again, vampires were known to suck all the blood out of people, and that sounded unpleasant. It was probably smartest not to be in the front row when we were all introduced to him. I had just decided that I would signal Lana and Rini that we should hang back when Violet Girl appeared, hanging off my arm.

  “Oh, I knew you’d be chosen. I just knew it,” she gushed. She kissed me, and it was the best kiss of my life. Not that I’ve had the opportunity to kiss that many girls, but I literally felt my socks sizzle. Keeping her face close to mine, she whispered, “This is perfect. Now we can finally be together.”

  “Huh?” was all I could manage to croak.

  “I’ve always had this feeling about you, ever since I first laid eyes on you. That’s why I wanted you to be part of the Chosen.”

  She went to kiss me again, but I pulled away. “You mean when you first laid eyes on Xander.”

  “Who?”

  I let my expression show that she was pushing the limits of my patience. It was fun kissing her and all, but I really wasn’t in the mood for her to act coy. “Xander. My super good-looking friend? You invited me to come to this party so you could have a shot at him.”

  She leaned back a little and gave me a perplexed look. “I’ve never been interested in Xander Hipsher.”

  I scoffed. “Yeah, right. No girl ever is.”

  “Yeah, I know all the girls at school think he’s to die for, but he’s just so full of himself. It’s a total turnoff.”

  I gave Violet Girl a double take. “At school?”

  She gave me the serious stare down and then cracked
into a smile. “You really have no idea who I am, do you?”

  There was a loud murmur from the crowd, and the vampire was carried into the room by some beefy boys as he lounged on a pillow-covered litter. It was the same man we had seen sucking on Lydia Sarducci’s neck—Short Vincent. He was dressed in an elaborate jacquard coat with a frilly collared shirt underneath. From my position, I couldn’t see his pants, but I assumed they were silk and ended at the knee. His face was lean; his cheeks were hollow; and his dark brown hair was pulled back into a short queue at the nape of his neck, held in place with a piece of dark blue ribbon. His hair had been well combed and fastened, but that did little to keep it from erupting into unruly waves cascading over his forehead. Yes, I could see what Rini was talking about; he was handsome. But his skin did have that weird candle-wax translucency that made my stomach clench.

  The beefy boys set the litter down on a large table, and the vampire got to his feet so he could gaze out at all of us while we gaped back in his direction. “Good evening,” he rumbled. “My name is Short Vincent. Welcome to my home.”

  Chapter 17

  “Sherbie, wake up,” Xander hissed in my ear. I could feel him shaking me, but it was doing very little to induce me to want to open my eyes. “Get up,” he said in a slightly louder voice, and I felt the sharp jab of his thumb in my ribs.

  “Fuck! What the hell?” I yelped, rolling over to try to get away from him.

  “Here. Eat this.” Xander pressed something dry against my lips.

  “Mmph,” was all I managed to say with my jaws clamped tightly together. I was thirsty, and I had a splitting headache. The last thing I wanted to do was choke down some dry piece of bread just to please him.

  Xander ground his knee onto my hand. As I opened my mouth to squeal in protest, he stuck the bread thing in my gob and clamped his hand down so I couldn’t spit it back out. “Chew it and swallow, or I’m cutting off your air supply next,” he warned me.